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Chapter Ten: Boots
So Frodo, Teegs and Hika went to the room of the MYSTERIOUS CLOAKED FIGURE, magically and conveniently knowing exactly where it was.
Hika: Ah, convenience. An author's best friend.
MYSTERIOUS CLOAKED FIGURE: That was quick.
Frodo: I didn't want to be left alone with them.
MYSTERIOUS CLOAKED FIGURE: Understood.
The MYSTERIOUS CLOAKED FIGURE removed her CLOAK.
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE: I'm Boots, a Ranger from the North.
Teegs: Oooo, RANGER. Does that mean you shuffle cattle?
Hika: MOO!
Boots: >_> No. It means I'm special.
Hika: My mommy says I'm special.
Teegs: Special. You poke PANSYS.
Boots: What?
Teegs: From Harry Potter! Pansy! She's a cow! Don't you know anything?
Boots: Apparently not.
Teegs: You probably don't even know who Sean Biggerstaff is. >_>
Boots: ...um... yes I do.
Teegs: Really? Who is he?
Boots: ...a person.
Teegs: O_O *scandalized* YOU DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS?
Boots: >_< SHUT UP. WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
Hika: I'm special.
Teegs: We know that, Hika.
Frodo: What did you want to talk to us about?
Boots: I heard you before you came into Bree. "THE NAME OF BAGGINS MUST NOT BE MENTIONED," blah, blah, blah. But of course, I was looking for you. I have some good advice... although it will cost you.
Frodo: How much?
Teegs: TENDER WILD MONKEY SEX!
Boots: EWWW! No! Maybe with Legolas, but not with a hobbit.
Teegs: O_O *scandalized*
Boots: All I want is for you to take me with you on your journey. I know what you're carrying.
Frodo: Yeah, because Hika told you.
Boots: ...yes, but I knew before that.
At that moment, Butterbeer with one of his henchmen, Nob.
Butterbeer: I knew the name of Bob HEEEEEERRRMY LoRENzo was familiar. Podima gave me a letter to send to you about sixth months ago, but I never got around to it.
He handed the letter to Frodo.
Butterbeer: And I forgot about it.
Frodo: ...oh, thanks. >_> This could've saved my life, you know.
Butterbeer: Stop complaining, you're still living.
Frodo took the letter and opened it up. Inside was this message:
Dear Frodo,
Bad news
has reached me here. I must go off at once. You had better leave Bag End soon,
and get out of the Shire before the end of July at the latest. I will return as
soon as I can, and I will follow you, if I find that you are gone. Leave a message for me here, if you pass
through Bree. You can trust the landlord (Butterbur, no matter what the GJT
might say). You may meet a friend of mine on the Road: a girl, blonde, short,
Legolas fangirl, by some called Boots. She knows our Business and will help
you. Make for Rivendell. There I hope we may meet again. If I do not come,
Elrond will advise you.
Yours
in Haste,
PODIMA
PS: Do NOT use It again, not for any reason whatever! Do
not travel by night!
PPS: Make sure that it is the real Boots. There are many
strange girls on the roads. Her true name is Doodles.
All that is gold
does not glitter,
Not all those who
wander are lost,
Blah blah blah blah.
PPPS: I hope Butterbur sends this promptly.
Frodo: HA!
A worthy man, but his memory is like a lumber-room: things wanted always buried. If he forgets, I shall roast him.
Fare
well!
Hika: YAY! ROASTED BUTTERBEER!
Frodo: >_< THANKS FOR SENDING THIS TO ME SO SOON, BUTTERBUR. IT REALLY HELPED A LOT.
Butterbur: So I forgot. So sue me.
Frodo: I just might.
Butterbur: It's just an expression!
Frodo: And YOU! *points to Boots* Why didn't you tell us you were a friend of Podima's? It would've saved me some stress! I'M GETTING WRINKLES!
Hika: O_O NOO!
Boots: I didn't feel like it. But you know now, right? All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost.
Frodo: So those verses apply to you? How'd you know they were in the letter?
Boots: ...*cough* I... didn't. But anyways, I'm Doodles, and...
Hika: *snort* Doodles.
Teegs: >_> DIE!
Boots: *ignore* ...and if by life or death I can save you, I will.
Podima: BUM BUM BUM!
Frodo: !!! PODIMA?
Podima: Soundtrack, again.
Frodo: >_> DAMMIT. *sigh* Where is he, anyways? Do you know, Doodles?
Doodles: Nope, I don't have a clue.
Frodo: Oh, you're a big help.
Doodles: Shut up!
Frodo: Make me.
Doodles: Make me make you.
Frodo: Make me make –
Fortunately, the two were cut off by Bob, another one of Butterbur's henchmen, who dragged DG into the room.
Teegs and Hika: !!! DEEEEGS!
Bob: I found her outside!
DG: You'll never guess what I saw! Black Riders! HOW COOL IS THAT?
Frodo: COOL? They're out to kill us!
Doodles slapped her forehead in frustration.
Doodles: They're here because you just HAD to put the Ring on, Frodo. Now they're going to stab you with knives. Pointy knives. That burn with the fires of a thousand evils.
GJT: COOOOOL!
Frodo: o_o; Not cool. What should we do?
DG: Well, couldn't we like, put pillows under the bedsheets and stuff to fool them?
Hika: Yeah, then we could go stay up in Doodles's room!
Teegs: HISS! I don't want to stay up in her room!
Doodles: I don’t want her in my room!
Frodo: Tough. Get some supplies together, we'll have to use DG's plan.
DG: I'm special!
So they all went out and gathered some hobbit and GJT-looking supplies and quickly set up some life-like doubles in Frodo's room. Then they all went off to sleep in Doodles's room (which, unfortunately for Frodo, was just one big bed).
DG: Heh heh. Frodo.
Hika: Heh heh. Alone.
Teegs: Heh heh. In bed.
Frodo: >_<