THE LORD OF THE (Toe)RINGS

 

Chapter Twelve: Flight to the Ford

 

When Frodo came to, he was still clutching the Ring and lying by a fire. Hika was sobbing, and DG and Teegs were eating.

 

Teegs: Oh, come on, have a pixy stick.

 

Hika: FRODO'S GONNA DIE! WAAAAAAH!

 

DG: Oh, forget it.

 

Frodo: What the hell?

 

Everyone was overjoyed to hear him speak. Hika shrieked happily and glomped Frodo several times.

 

Frodo: OW! OW! OW! STOP IT!

 

Hika: I love you, Mr. Frodo!

 

Frodo: Not now, Hika!

 

Doodles: Well... it seems you have a deadly wound Frodo...

 

Hika: NOOOO!

 

Doodles: Oh, shut up. Frodo's made of stronger stuff than we all thought.

 

Frodo: What, you mean you think I'm a wimp?

 

Doodles: ...no, of course not.

 

Doodles picked up the sword Frodo had been stabbed with. It melted off the hilt and she dropped it.

 

Doodles: HOLY SHIT!

 

Hika: THAT WAS FREAKIN' AWESOME!

 

Teegs: Do it again! Do it again!

 

Doodles: I can't. >_> But it's a bad sign. I will do all I can to help and heal him. Guard him, I'll be back soon!

 

Doodles dashed off into the woods and returned a few hours later with some athelas.

 

Hika: Oh, we don't need that.

 

Doodles: ...what?

 

Teegs: We put Windex on it!

 

DG: Windex cures everything!

 

Doodles: Oh, whatever.

 

She stuffed the athelas in her bag.

 

Doodles: Anyways, as much as I hate to admit it, I think you guys were right... we should leave Weathertop as soon as possible.

 

GJT: HA!

 

So they left Weathertop and traveled for a few days, crossing a few rivers and running into some trolls that had tried to eat Bilbo once. (Luckily, those trolls were stone, now) Now they made their way to the Fords of Bruinen, and Frodo began to grow weaker, and the GJT even lost a bit of their energy.

 

[GJT: Phhhht! Yeah, right.]

 

Their luck changed when they met Glorfindel, an Elf-lord from Lorien. He had brought along his horse Asfaloth and some good news.

 

Frodo: So Podima has reached Rivendell?

 

Glorfindel: No.

 

Frodo: I thought you had good news.

 

Glorfindel: I do have good news.

 

Frodo: What?

 

Glorfindel: I just saved hundreds of dollars on horse insurance by switching to Geico.

 

[Hika: ©]

 

Doodles told him of the attack on Weathertop and their journey so far.

 

Glorfindel: Here, Frodo, you can ride on Asfaloth.

 

Teegs: Lets name him HEEEEEERRRMY!

 

Glorfindel: His name's already Asfaloth. >_>

 

Teegs: Damn. I WANT A HORSE!

 

Hika: We have a horse. His name is LoRENzo!

 

Teegs: His name SHOULD be HEEEEEEERRRRMY!

 

Hika: No it shouldn't.

 

Teegs: Yes it should.

 

Everyone Else: SHUT UP!

 

They set off early the next morning. Only a few hours passed when they saw them again – the Self-insertions, looking very pissed.

 

Podima: BUM BUM BUM!

 

Glorfindel: Ah, shit. Noro lim, Asfaloth, noro lim!

 

Asfaloth sprinted forward, taking Frodo with him. The Self-insertions ignored everyone else and took off after them, chasing close behind. Frodo made his way across the Ford, and the Self-insertions stopped on the other side,

 

Frodo: Go back! Go back to the land of Mondor and follow me no more!

 

Self-insertions: We're not that dumb. You know you want to come with us. Come with usssss...

 

Frodo: I'm not that dumb either! By Elbereth and Luthien the Fair, you shall have neither the Ring nor me!

 

The leader of the Self-insertions made his way across the River, but he was stopped by the roaring and rushing of water. Frodo saw the river rise, and down along its course there came a plumed cavalry of waves. The Self-insertions were consumed by the water, and Frodo fainted.

 

...and that's the end of this chapter!